Cop Humor - Funny Jokes
…..supposedly taken from actual police car videos across the country……
#15 - “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new.
They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
#14 - “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your
birth certificate a worthless document.”
#13 - “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
#12 - “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”
#11 - “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”
#10 - “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help…
Oh… did I mention that ‘I’ am the shift supervisor?”
#9 - “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again
or I’ll give you another ticket.”
#8 - “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
#7 - “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides and eat cotton candy.”
#6 - “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
#5 - “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
#4 - “Just how big were those two beers?”
#3 - “No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We use to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
#2 - “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”
…..And…..THE BEST ONE!!!!!
#1 - “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? ….You’re right, we don’t.
Sign here.
