Funny Jokes

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”. The blonde said “No! A bet’s a bet”.

So the redhead said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money”.

The blonde replied “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.

“Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Theirs were still sticking out of the ground.”

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favourite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”

“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”

“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown.

She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

She asked the shepherd, “If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?”

He replied “Sure!” Out of the blue, she blurts out, “352!”

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep.

She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says, “If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!”

She was Soooooooo Blonde
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says, “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.”
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics”

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.”
* She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”
* She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde …
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company……

In this video, a translator is needed for a very important international corporate meeting. The guy is at the end of his rope looking for a translator… after all, he doesn’t want to loose the business. Thank goodness, a fine young lady comes to his rescue…

Football FINALLY makes sense………. A guy took his
blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats
right behind their team’s bench. After the game,
he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why
they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’

I’m like…Helloooooo?

It’s only 25 cents!!!!

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is O. K. She replies, “Yes”. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…. FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!!!!!

what do you call 12 blondes standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel

There was a blonde, red head,and a brunette and they were on an island. Well there ship was gone and they had no way to get home. Well one day they were walking and they came up to a bottle and they rub it and a genie pop out. He said since there are 3 of you each one of ya’ll have 1 wish. Well red head wished for a plane. And she got off the island. The brown head wished for a huge bird and she was off the island. Well the blonde started crying. He said, whats wrong? my dear. I wish my friends were back!!!!!

A blonde walks in 2 a shop and says “can i hav that tv please?” the man replied “sorry we dont serve blondes” so she died her hair black and went back “excuse me can i hav that tv?” she asked “sorry we dont serve blondes” so she left and completley shaved her head then went back an asked for the tv the man replied “sorry we dont serve blondes” “have died my hair and then shaved it how do you know im a blonde” the man replied “simple thats not a tv its a microwave”

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a “Peel and Win”sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels the sticker off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.” But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!” Finally the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize!” The blonde says, “No it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!” She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads… …… …… …… W I N A B A G E L

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blond woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try” she said, “but only if you’ll promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle”

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude..” With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know - I thought you were watching.”! MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?” The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2 - 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”