This has got to be one of the FUNNIEST freakin videos out there… Recently my father sent me a paper he did on stress management in the work force… I would however like to end off that paper with the following…
All the best to my father… hahaha what a laugh this guys has… must be in the yoga.
Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional…
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”
The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.
You want my advice?”
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
“Take the poison.”
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, “Well…I can clearly see your nuts.”
At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their
Wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is
Concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they
spendThe entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the
Expected ‘knock’ on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door
Opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and
She prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door,
And it’s Roger. Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised,
Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger
Kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger is
Back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready
For more ‘action’. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am
Thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and
so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who
were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was
Here already?’
The moral of the story: Don’t be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer’s
Has its advantages
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.”
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
A mild mannered man is tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he decides to go to a psychiatrist. The doctor tells him he has to develop self-esteem and gives him a booklet on assertiveness training. He reads it on the way home. When he walks through the door and his wife comes to greet him, he tells her, “From now on I’m the man of this house and my word is law. When I come home from work I want my dinner on the table. Now get upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed because I’m going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?” “The undertaker”? She replies.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please
press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.