Funny Jokes

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about the roach bug poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to that sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa ’s novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Strange, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,

Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer use the rest-room in any restaurant because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up a $5.00 bill dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

And thank you so much, for letting me know to call 911 IMMEDIATELY should I find myself in my bathtub, submerged in ice and missing my kidneys.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 100 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…

Have a wonderful day.

Oh, by the way…..A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient mental acuity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late…………

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008 at 9:56 am and is filed under Computer Jokes, Dumb Jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.